A new Fanfiction one shot though it might go further, we’ll see, try reading Hofstadter v Hofstadter


It’s down the road 11 years, Penny and Leonard are married but things have gotten out of hand. Will someone be there to save the day? I hope so! this is what happens when I get bored. SOK , and yes the first chapter of the new book is coming soon.

funnystuff

Hofstadter v Hofstadter

The bald judge sat behind the bench with his glasses perched on his crooked hawkish nose.  The black robes he was dressed in buttoned to the top.  He shuffled the papers in front of him and looked over at the court reporter/clerk sitting to the side of the tall dark walnut bench.

“Call the next case Alice.”

Alice looked to be the court reporter right from central casting.  She was a large woman with dark hair in a bouffant style from 1960’s, only the post and the wheels of the stool she was perched on could be seen.  The seat obscured by her ample bottom wrapped in a grey skirt.  Her white top had small grey polka dots that matched the skirt exactly.  She had matching shoes that her large ankles and calves made it seem as if they were several sizes too small.

Leonard took this all in as he sat next to his attorney at the right hand table.  He stared at the court reporter not daring to look to his left where Penny sat beside her attorney at the next table.

The court reporter handed up a file to judge, “Hofstadter v Hofstadter judge final disposition of assets and decree of dissolution of marriage.”

The judge looked up at the parties.  Leonard felt nervous.  He reached up and straightened his tie then pushed his glasses up his nose before running his hand over his hair.  He took a small sideways glance at Penny.  She was dressed in a business type skirt and jacket.  A light brown with a pink blouse her blond hair was down over her shoulder.  She didn’t look over at him.  Leonard steeled himself.

The judge looked down at the file, “I see everyone has their counsel with them.  Judge Clemens has been handling your case but unfortunately he was injured on the job several weeks ago and won’t be returning for quite some time.  So you’re so very lucky to have my services today.”

Leonard listened to the judge’s flat monotone voice the last line dripping with sarcasm.  He leaned over to his attorney and whispered, “Oh yeah he seems happy to be here.”

Leonard’s attorney did not respond just nodded her head very slightly.

The judge was reading through the file, “So you two have decided to call it quits after ten years of marriage citing irreconcilable differences.  You have two children a boy four and a girl 8.  You’ve decided to have joint custody with the primary domicile being with the father.  Okay fair enough.  The property settlement is agreed upon.  Mrs. Hofstadter will be keeping the house in Brentwood, Mr. Hofstadter the house in Pasadena.  You are selling and dividing the proceeds of the vacation home in Lake Tahoe.”

The judge looked back up at the parties and smiled, “Wish my divorce had been this neat and tidy.  This is the point in the proceedings where either party gets a chance to say we’ve changed our minds.  Anything?  Any objections or amendments before I sign this?”

“I have an objection”

Leonard turned toward the familiar voice from the back of the court room.

“Sheldon, what are you doing here?”

Sheldon was standing now before the last set of benches in the courtroom.  He had on his black suit Penny had picked out for him years before though the white shirt and black tie were new.  Leonard looked over at Penny.  She looked from Sheldon to Leonard her eyes wide and mouth open.  Leonard shrugged at her and she got that look of exasperation on her face.

The judge looked amused, “And you are?”

Sheldon didn’t move, “Dr. Sheldon Cooper your honor, you may remember me. Twelve years ago you found me in contempt in traffic court.  It’s good to see you’ve moved up the judicial ladder.”

The judge was suddenly not amused, “I remember you now Dr. Cooper and I still have traffic court on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  What are your objections to this divorce?”

Sheldon walked up the aisle and stood between the council tables, “Oh I have several.  To start it’s Dr. Hofstadter who gets the house in Pasadena.  Leonard may be a subpar scientist but he does have his doctorate and deserves to have his title used.”

The judge looked over his glasses at Sheldon, “Duly noted, Alice let the record show I will now refer to Dr. Hofstadter with the proper title. What are your other objections Dr. Cooper?”

“Your Honor I think it would be a miscarriage of justice to grant a divorce to two people who still obviously love each other.”

The judge looked at both Leonard and then Penny, “Is this true?  Do you still love each other?”

Leonard looked over at Penny and she was staring down at the table.  He was about to speak but Sheldon was quicker.

“Of course they do.  Just look at their divorce.  They aren’t fighting about anything.  The entire thing is very equitable, they each are giving to other.  I believe they even have a visitation section regarding the family dog.  I know neither one of them have started dating again.”

The judge was truly fascinated now, “And you know that how?”

Penny is my wife’s best friend, Leonard is my best friend.  My wife and I talked about it.  Leonard has several females interested in him at work and he’s ignoring them.  Penny is in a new movie with that hot Australian fellow and hasn’t slept with him yet.”

Penny looked over at Leonard at the mention of several interested females.  Leonard shook his head slowly, Penny for the first time smiled at Leonard.  He returned it with his own.

“Your honor I suffered through seven years of these two dating.  It was on again, off again.  Happy then fights before going back to happy.  There was no logic to it whatsoever.  She broke up with him in a bowling alley.  He asked her to marry him during sex once.  She had him fake that they were together for her father.  They had a bug list for their relationship.  She pined for him for two years when they were broken up.  If you grant this divorce they will just get back together in a few more months.  In fact I believe she had him stay over several weeks ago.”

Leonard looked back at Penny and watched her blush.  She turned her head slowly toward him smiling.  Leonard remembered the weekend.  They had almost got back together.

Sheldon was still not done, “You honor I believe in divorce.  I actually typed up the divorce papers for my own mother when I was eleven but she wouldn’t do it.  These two imperfect people have loved each other for over fifteen years.  Through thick and thin, together or apart they are symbiotic.”

The judge nodded again then repeated his question, “Do you two still love each other.”

Leonard thought he was answering first but Penny and he spoke at the same time, “Yes”

The judge nodded, “Very well then.  I’m going to set aside this decree and order you two to go spend the next week alone at a neutral location.  I suggest the house in Lake Tahoe.  The children will be watched by Dr. Cooper and his wife while you’re gone.”

Sheldon got a small grin on his face, “Very well decided your honor”

“Why thank you Dr. Cooper at least I didn’t have to send you to jail today.  Alice we’re adjourned, get me a sandwich I’ll be in chambers.”

The judge stood and walked toward the side door behind the bench.

Leonard stood and walked over to Penny.  She had stood and towered over him in her high heels.  Penny stepped out over them to be at the same height as he was.

Leonard took both her hands, “This really got out of hand didn’t it?  Of course I still love you.”

Penny was almost crying, “Yeah it was just a fight, having more than one house let us run away from each other.  I love you too Leonard, I miss you everyday”

Leonard pulled her to him and the tears started to flow from both of them.

The two attorney’s picked up there briefcases and walked down the aisle toward the door.

Leonard’s attorney turned toward Penny’s, “Well that was a first.  Judge Clemens would never have done that.  What happened to him anyway?”

Penny’s attorney looked around and then quietly he spoke to her, “Judge Clemens has a thing going with Alice.  They were in chambers doing a little dictation and she slipped off the desk and fell on him it broke his leg in three places.”

Leonard’s attorney chuckled, “Ain’t love grand? What did Clemens’s wife say?”

“I’m not sure I’m representing him in his divorce, she got other counsel”

Yes all is revealed, just something for fun and entertainment.  Hope you enjoyed it, SOK

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